Lesson 63: Don’t Ask, Don’t Get.

A Holiday Affair (1949)

“If you wish for things you can get, you’re gonna be happy. If you wish for real big things, all you’re gonna get is real big disappointments.”

Connie Ennis in ‘Holiday Affair’ 

Why is it so hard for us grownups to ask for what we want?

As kids, we’re experts at this skill. Maybe because we HAVE to ask for whatever we want to get anything – a cereal bowl from the top shelf, a Red Ryder BB gun for Christmas, or a ride to the mall. Otherwise we’re screwed, ’cause we really can’t get any of those things ourselves. Asking is basically crucial to having just about anything for about the first 16 years of our lives…

So how is it then that we lose the ability to do the same when we grow up?

Nearly everyday I see or hear kind, smart, successful people refusing to acknowledge (to themselves and others) what they want. Whether it’s a date, a raise, a nap, time for themselves, or who they want to spend their life with.

Are we hesitant to ask for what we really want, for fear of looking needy? Or are we so afraid of rejection that we’d rather just pretend that we don’t care? I get it, wanting something you’re not sure you can get feels pretty scary. But if you don’t put it out there – to your friend, husband, or latest Tinder match – how can they ever give it to you?

I honestly just had a guy tell me he wasn’t going to get what he wanted for Christmas: a date with me. Awww – sweet right? Except he was right – because he had never even asked me out!

Christmas is THE perfect time to ask for what you want, and to believe that anything is possible. Kids do this effortlessly, and I think it’s time us adults get on board.

Whether it’s love, your dream job, a family of your own… anything. I honestly think that is the real spirit of Santa: knowing and ASKING for whatever it is that you want in your life. There is great power in that simple act. But as Kris Carr, the wellness expert says in her latest blog post: If you don’t ask, the universe can’t deliver.

“You see, if you aim higher than you mark, you’ve got a better chance of hitting that mark. So if you wish real hard for something, maybe you might get it.”

~ Steve Mason in ‘Holiday Affair’

There is a spiritual principle that has helped me feel better about wanting the things I desire: that anything you want is meant to be yours, otherwise you wouldn’t have a desire for it in the first place.

I love this and believe it to be true. It just feels right to me. Desire comes from somewhere deep inside our souls – the least we can do is honor it enough by asking for that which we seek. Write it down, say it out loud, or share your desires with someone who wants the best for you.

And then be open to what comes into your life as a result.

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