Lesson 33: Don’t let anyone else tell you how to feel


Twice in the last week, two very old and dear friends have tried to convince me that I should try to learn to be ok with not – and perhaps never – having a family of my own. That being in a relationship isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be, and maybe I need to accept that this is what is “meant” for me.

Really? I’m sorry, but I don’t think so.

Would they say that to a 25-year old, I wonder? Should my age be a factor in their opinion on this matter, cause that kinda sucks. I’m sure they think they’re being helpful. Or maybe not. Maybe they’re trying to make themselves feel better about some void in their own lives. Or the fact that they don’t have a better “solution” for me. Not that I’m expecting one. Whatever it is that they are selling, I’m not buying. And neither should you.

“Feelings are facts,” my 10th grade Health teacher, Hubert McIntyre, used to tell us. And this is how I feel:

I am not 22 and desperate to get married to fill a void, have someone else pay my bills, or define who I am. I’m a 44-year old, successful woman who has been alone for over 3 years now. I’m at peace with my life, and filling it with as many sources of happiness and fulfillment as I can – but I have so much more love to give and share.  I WANT to share my life with someone, all its ups and downs, joys and sorrows – I don’t need to.

I realize the grass is often greener, but I have no fairytale illusions of marriage. I fully realize that relationships are work, hard work – and I eagerly want to sign up for that job. I want a partner, the right partner, to learn and grow with. And I’m not giving up on lasting love simply because it hasn’t happened yet, anymore than I would tell someone to give up on their dream at ANY age to go to college, or start their own business, or see the world. How dare anyone tell me to?

We want what we want because it is already ours – otherwise we wouldn’t want it. All we have to do it believe in it and wait for the timing and life experiences to be right for it to manifest. This is what I believe.

And if anyone has a problem with that, that – I’m afraid – is their problem. Not mine.

And not yours.


4 thoughts on “Lesson 33: Don’t let anyone else tell you how to feel

  1. Amen to this. I’ve had many people try to sell me the “you don’t really want to be in a relationship” thing, and it’s so hurtful. I’ve suggested to many of them that they leave their own relationships if the grass is so much greener on the single side, and – shocker! – noone’s taken me up on it. I also love when they tell you that relationships are work, aren’t always ribbons and cupcakes, etc, as if you just aren’t savvy enough to know that.

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