Lesson 11: Failure can be success

I think the hardest thing in life is letting go of love. On top of missing that person’s great qualities, and the joy they brought to your life (regardless of the pain), we often feel like a failure:

“If only I had…”

“If only he could have….”

“I wish I’d known…”

As a spiritual person, I believe it’s the woman who is most capable of managing the relationship. And because of it, I’ve felt the pain of failure for not being able to do more. Both people have to do the work, but I believe a woman’s strength is in managing the timing and setting boundaries. So when a relationship “fails,” often it’s because the woman wasn’t managing things well enough. She was too giving, too available, too controlling or too easy.

However, as I’m learning in my new class at the Kabbalah Center, sometimes it ends BECAUSE she managed it well. And that’s not failure.

Not all relationships are meant to last. Most are meant to teach us something, help us grow, and get us to the next level. My friend Ann loves to say that Earth is “a teaching planet.” That we’re all here to learn. And we grow the most in relationships.

It’s extremely sad and hard to let go of someone who just wasn’t ready or able to go to that next level with you. But I guess it’s also a sign that you’re ready for more. A graduation of sorts. Congratulations! You’ve come and accomplished what you were meant to here. Now move on to the next level. And the next great person.

It’s a success that’s bittersweet, no doubt. But I no longer believe it’s because I did something wrong. Instead, I now realize, it’s the result of me doing something right.

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