Lesson 9: Fear nothing.

nicola teaching

“The one who fears something the most is the one who has it most activated in their vibration. And so, it is logical that they would experience it.” ~ Abraham

I’ve spent the last wonderful week in England, celebrating my birthday with my dear friend and old roommate, Nicola. You honestly couldn’t find a more beautiful person, inside and out. Or more talented.

She’s a kind, generous and caring girl who also happens to be an amazing dancer and dance teacher. At 25, the world is hers to choose. Yet up until now, she’s limited herself and her choices. Why?


Fear of failing, looking foolish, feeling unsure – who knows? But I know, like many of us,  it’s the only thing holding her back from her dreams and true potential. Fear kills.

We all do it in different ways. Whether it’s by taking the safe job instead of the one we really want but worry if we could really do it. Or never leaving home for fear of what’s out there/missing what’s familiar. Or standing up to a manipulative parent or leaving a dysfunctional partner.

If we’re to believe that – like a car – where we put our energy and focus is where our life will go, then fear takes us down the wrong road. Every time. I’ve come to believe that our fears actually create our reality. And how scary is that?

I honestly don’t know why it’s so much easier to focus on what we don’t want sometimes – instead of what we do desire – but I know I do it all the time. Mostly about wanting a family. I want this more than anything in the world. But it’s become clear to me on this trip that my desires have morphed into my fears. That it will never happen, that I’ve missed my chance, it’s too late…

How is that productive? And more importantly, how can we learn to channel those powerful emotions of desiring something so badly that you fear never having it – into something positive?

Maybe the answer lies in children. I remember babysitting at 8 or 9 years old (and again at 31) and dreaming of the day I’d have a home & family of my own. But I don’t remember ever thinking “what if I never have it?” I just believed I would. And that made it so much more pleasurable, and exciting.

We all need to get excited about what’s next, not fear it. I can’t predict the future, and I can’t promise Nic that she’ll be Madonna’s next backup dancer any more than she can promise me that I’ll be blissfully married and starting a family in 2012. God knows I wish we could. But I do know there’s a MUCH better chance of both of us having what we want if we BELIEVE we can, versus fearing that we can’t. And instead, put our energy into the steps to make our dreams happen. Otherwise we’re just holding ourselves back.

Turns out FDR was right: the only thing we have to fear, truly is fear itself. So fear nothing.



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