I have a vague recollection of myself before I took life so seriously, which is easy to do when you’re over 35 and feel time flying. I see it in these girls, especially in Andi. Her spirit is unbroken. She hasn’t lived long enough to be too disappointed by life (or men), and she doesn’t take anything too seriously. Everything is possible and because of that, her energy is wide and welcoming.
The effect of that energy is noticeable. She attracts all kinds of positivity into her life, and I sit back and watch in awe:
She meets a guy, she flirts unabashedly, she calls him on his shit – he asks her out.
She doesn’t really care all that much, one way or the other, what the outcome is. She’s 20. It’s all about the fun of it. And ironically, the outcome is she’s meeting and dating lots of men. And having a blast!
And I’m reminded of that version of myself, and I can see how I’ve shut off certain opportunities by taking life and growth so seriously. My energy is guarded and suspicious compared to Andi’s – even if I have a huge smile on my face. Which I have no doubt is felt. Caring less would do me some good.
Introspection can be a wonderful thing. It allows you to take a step back and recognize unproductive patterns, and ideally create healthier new ones. But like anything else, if you think too much about it, it becomes forced and heavy.
I’ve become so focused on my actions and other people’s reactions – and outcomes. Which is working against me. Maybe the irony of life is that the less you worry about the outcomes, the better they turn out.